“What is a friend? A single soul
dwelling in two bodies.” This
quote is attributed to the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle, who wrote
extensively about the notion and importance of true friendship as a determinant
of “meaningful” living.
In Psychology, “a meaningful life is a broad term
encompassing a varied number of definitions having to do with the pursuit of
life satisfaction. Meaning can be defined as the connection linking two
presumably independent entities together”. (Wikipaedia)
The notion of
“friend,” of course, is used rather loosely in the online world of Facebook. Alex
Pattakos, in his article, “The Meaning of Friendship in a Social Networked
World” asked “What is happening to true friendship? Is it dying away? Or are the
various social media “platforms” such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn simply
redefining or transforming our modern-day notion of friendship? If so, what are
the implications for life as we know it on this planet? Will we be happier?
Will it promote the kind of meaningful existence that Aristotle was seeking and
advocating?”
In the days
before social media , we were likely to get twenty or thirty phone calls per
day and forty or fifty emails, excluding hundreds of spams, of course; now
we’ve traded the telephone for other connection points (I only get 2-3 landline
telephone calls per day, and if I get more, they are likely to be my creditors
asking for their money back or salespeople trying to sell one thing or the
other to me), but now, I interact mostly via social media with friends, family,
colleagues, and even people I don’t even know.
The number of
“messaging inboxes” we have is overwhelming: email (I have three accounts),
Twitter, MySpace, Plaxo, Facebook, Facebook messages and chats, LinkedIn and
its messages, Google + messages, blog remarks, BlackBerry Messenger, Yahoo
Messenger, WhatsApp, Viber, imo, Skype, text messages, Instagram, phone, voice
mail, and several topically or geographically specific forums, groups and
social networks. That’s a lot of relationship.
How do we
justify this? We do it because we believe that more relationships provide more
opportunity. The fact is, social media has made a big world become smaller.
That is one usefulness of it. Why, politicians all over the world have made
use, and continue to make use, of social media to campaign and win elections.
President Obama was most notable. Businesses and organisations now use it to
sell their services and goods. Friends and long-lost family use it to connect
and reconnect.
So now, about
my personal predicament! Come to think of it, do I need 5000 friends on
Facebook, social media or no social media? I had reached 5000 limit over four years ago. So
I opened another account, me being a vain man. I quickly closed the second
account down after a year or two, when I realised my folly and vanity.
So how many
of the 5000 friends do I really interact with or need? Even in real life, do we
have that many “friends”? Acquaintances, work and business colleagues, people
we meet casually once or twice, maybe, but not friends; and how large can one’s
extended family be to net you 5000 of them? If you are a politician, or you
have your own “blog-site”, those following you are not your friends.
The first
thing I do in the morning is check Facebook’s Birthday Calendar and wish all my
friends and family, whose birthdays come up, Happy Birthday wishes
individually. This takes me up to one hour sometimes, depending on how many
friends and family are having their birthdays on that day.
It was then I
devised a new way of spotting inactive and/or unconcerned friends. Just do the
“See Friendship” and this will give you an indication of how a friend has been
interactive with you.
When I do
this, I discover those who I post birthday wishes and other greetings to over
the course of being friends on Facebook; friends who never acknowledge your compliments,
prayers and well-wishes, and/or friends who never send you any compliments,
well-wishes and prayers. Nor interact with you in any way since you became
friends. There are also friends with absolutely nothing on their Profile, and
no Profile or other pictures, or with fake names and nicknames, making them
anonymous and a risk or hazard of being friends with – they know about you, but
you know nothing of them. Then there are friends who want you to comment or
Like their posts, but will never comment or Like your own posts. Friendship
goes both ways – give and take. Friends who never greet you even when you greet
them; are those really “friends”? Maybe Facebook should change that term -
Friend.
So why do I
do it? Do I need to do it? It is has become my nature. How would I not wish my
friend Happy Birthday, and why would a supposed friend not wish me Happy
Birthday? I don’t understand.
I suppose it
is the Human Engineering trait in me, my love of people, making friends and
enjoying it.
But now, with
great relish and no regrets, I am daily reducing the numbers of friends I have
on Facebook. I don’t block them, I just unfriend them. I am aiming to have as
few as 1000 very good friends in 2016.
We don’t need
5000 friends; we need a few quality and reliable friends, who appreciate us as
we appreciate them; who add value to our lives as we think we do them, and who
are responsive to us. They don’t even need to share our views and criticisms on
politics, religion, life, culture, tradition, etc. In fact, for me, I want them
to be critical of my views, if they feel so, because I will also learn from
them. I don’t have a monopoly of knowledge or ideas. I am human, so I can be
wrong, or uninformed or ignorant of issues. A man, who does not make a mistake,
they say, does not make anything. Correct me if I am wrong.
I have made
some really good friends on Facebook since in I joined around 2008 or so. I
have met several friends personally only after we have met on Facebook, and we
have become great real friends. There
are some friends, males and females, who, despite having never met face to
face, are like we have been friends for ages that I trust and they trust me; we
chat and call on the phone, WhatsApp, Skype and other interactive communicative
media. I will still meet more of them in
future.
I will
continue to take a knife to my “Friends List” until I am satisfied with the
quality and quantity of friends and family that I have. I don’t need 5000
Facebook friends – Quality, NOT Quantity.
To ALL my
social media friends and family: In everything there must be a season, a time
to come and a time to go, I pray that this New Year 2016 brings to you and your
family happiness and joy forever and ever. Amen.
Akintokunbo A Adejumo MSc, Dip Mngt, CIHM, MCMI, FITP, MIH
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